A Racist Question

So anyone who knows me well, (which is like 4 people), know that i am not a racist person. I mean, my girlfriend and one of my good friends are black, so that counts for something right?

So please forgive me  while I go out on a limb for a second.

Are black people all Retarded?

I ask this because I am currently sitting through the nightmare on earth that is Tyler Perry's Madea Goes To Jail, and the only thing that makes any sense at all is that this was made by, and for people who drool as a first language.

This is Hee Haw but for black people instead of rednecks.

Tyler Perry is the Antichrist, if we don't stop him now, he will grow to be all powerful and soon he will be releasing movies, plays. tv shows......aw fuck.

Well, I guess white people had a good run. 

ok, so I am like super far behind......

So it's been a while since we have seen each other. Things have been happening, not necessarily good things, but things...no time for movies really. 

Being the trooper that I am, I decided I am going to give this another shot. Truth is I enjoyed doing it,(heh heh) and it gave me an outlet I don't normally have.

So much like the Who Shot JR season of Dallas, let's all just pretend that layoff never happened. 

New movie stuff soon. 

Some Catching Up To Do:

JCVD: second best movie I have seen this year, behind The Wrestler.  Seriously, I have officially forgiven Jean Claude for everything he has done since Bloodsport....which has ranged from Ok to god fucking awful. The scene where he prays to god, but is really just him spilling his heart out to the camera for ten minutes is unbelievable. Do not let the subtitles slow you down, this is worth watching.

Bride Wars: Women, shopping, diets, hair, weddings, Candace Bergen. These are all the things this movie has that I am not interested in even a small amount. For my next wedding all I need is to be told what time to show up and where. And even then i will probably fuck it up. If you don't like it, don't marry me. Apart from the line about the International Butter Club( which was hilarious), this movie is the cinematic equivalent of Little Caesars Pizza. Sure it will fill you up, but it doesnt really taste like anything.

Watching Benjamin Button tonight, and a documentary called The Tibetan Book Of The Dead next. Cause I'm like deep and shit.

An Open Letter To Fox Studios

Dear Fox:

Re: X-Men Origins : Wolverine

Fuck You.

Sincerly,

America.

Ps you owe me 16 dollars and an hour and 47 minutes of my life.

So, who's really suprised?

So less then a week into this thing i fell behind a little. Like a week behind.

Truth is , it has a lot to do with the flu, a near heart attack, and a bite from a baby monkey named Jojo, but that's a story for later.

Wolverine tonight, Bride Wars, JCVD, and  The Uninvited posts up soon for the three people who read this. 

A Disturbing Trend

I have just been made aware of a fact, and though I am tired and want to go to bed, I don't see how I can ignore this.

The last 4 movies to win the weekend at the box office:

1. Obsessed ( With Beyonce for Christ sake)

2. 17 Again ( Zac Effron)

3. Hannah Montanna The Movie ( Hannah Montana)

4. Fast and Furious. ( A whole bunch of people who suck)

Fuck You America. As of right now i am pulling for the Mexican Swine flu.

My Summer Movie Schedule, or How to Kill my Economic Downtime.

May 1 X-Men Origins Wolverine. I swear to god Fox, if you Fuck this up you and i are broke up permanently.

May 8 Star Trek. Not a fan of anything to do with any of the shows, but this looks different. 

May 15 Angels and Demons. Eh....there's an outside shot this doesn't suck ass.

May 21 Terminator Salvation. It's like Transformers and Batman had a baby. Let's hope it doesn't have Downs Syndrome

May 29 Drag Me to Hell . Sam Raimi. Need i say more.

June 5 Land of the Lost. I know I'm going to regret that.

June 12 The Taking of Pelham 123. Loved the Original, and It's got Denzel....High hopes.

June 24 Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen. Yes.

July 1 Public Enemy. I get action the girl gets Johnny Depp. We all win.

July 17 (500) Days of Summer. Everyone can flock to Harry Potter. Ill take Joseph Gordon -Levitt and Zoey Deschannel any day.

July 31 Funny People. Saw the trailer for the first time the other day, and Sandler looks really good in this. Very un-Sandler like.

Aug 7 GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra. I dont care. Joseph Gordon -Levitt is Cobra Commander,I will be there.

Aug 14 Bandslam. Or poke my eyes out with a pen while i set my ears on fire. One of the two. 

Aug 21 Inglorious Bastards. It feels like i have been hearing about this movie for years now. 

So that's it. My Summer at the theater. Let's place bets on how long till a movie i'm looking forward to pisses me off. I'm guessing week 1, but i did lead it off with a Fox film. Jackasses.

'Golden Girls' star Bea Arthur dead at 86

I swear to god i want to care. but i just don't.

She has over 200 credits for film and television, so i just assumed that something would strike me as memorable. 

And yet, other then a guest voice on an episode of Futurama, Nothing.

Oh well, i bet if you are real quiet and listen real hard you can hear thousands of gay men weeping tonight.

Funboys love them some Golden girls.  Hell if I'll ever figure that one out.

Notorious, or i think my tv gave me aids.

Notorious : the story of Biggie Smalls. Let me sum up this piece of shit in a whole lot less time then it took from me:

Im fat and black and want to be a rapper. 

I'm Puff Daddy Diddy Doo and im an annoying closet homosexual.

I'm Lil Kim and im a whore. 

Oh no someone shot me. 

There ya go. Your welcome for the time saver. Jesus Christ. And why just Biggie, why did they not shoot Puff Daddy, and Coolio, and fuck it throw in the Ying Yang Twins too. ( Why ? Because I fucking hate them thats why. The Whisper song. Fuck you sing like a grownup or fuck off.)

Angela Bassett...fire your agent. Your better then this. I think. Seems like i used to like you a while ago, but i cant really remember anything youve done lately that's been good.  So there's that.

My brain hurts.

Office Space, or reasons why i dont still have a job

So today seemed like a great day to watch Office Space again, and remember what i missed so much about working. 

I tried, but truthfully i missed nothing. Watching that movie was exactly like the ten years i spent at Best Buy. Turn your brain off at the door and let common sense smoke a cigarette outside, cause it's not welcome in there. 

I should divulge i love this movie and have seen it at least 20 times, so there wasnt much that i havent seen before. But i was made aware of a few interesting things:

1. Ajay Naidu, (Samir) played a medic in my most recent addition to my top 10, The Wrestler which made me happy, and he also recently played in Hotel For Dogs, which made me sad again.

2. Jeniffer Aniston is actually cute in this movie. Wonder where they got the budget for that.

3. The tv show Wanted with Gary Cole is not yet available on DVD. Whats up with that TNT?

4. Remember when rap music was cool? Yea that was 1999. Kinda all downhill from there, thanks Kanye you Fucktard.

Welcome to My Nonsense

And so another jackass begins blogging on the internet. 

About 3 months ago the company i worked for decided that it would be more profitable if it just shit it's pants and kicked us all out on the curb. So they did, which left me with an awful lot of free time, and no outlet for all the voices in my head.

Now I'm not sure how but i managed to get a girlfriend. A real one who's actually pretty and let's me have sex with her. The problem with this, is lately I've been acting a fool and i needed an outlet for my crazy to go, i figured start a blog, or start selling drugs on the street corner. 

Since i am afraid of black people, here we are. 

So what will this whole mess be about? Hell if i know. My plan is  to watch a movie every single day and blog about it here. Will this last? Will i give up and move on to something else? Will i wear pants while watching these movies?

Relax , we just started this, what's with all the questions. We will figure it out along the way.